MTHFR

Don’t the initials MTHFR look like they stand for something? Like maybe motherfucker?

After the battery of RPL tests, I’m amazed I have any blood left at all. I would estimate that I’ve had a total of 40+ tubes of blood drawn in the past three weeks. I had blood drawn twice for the thrombophilia tests, because the first lab screwed up the processing of it. Seriously? It’s not like I just want to give away my blood for fun!

Anyway, after all of that, I finally got a call from Dr. D (the new RE) today and the one thing they found was the MTHFR gene defect (I don’t have any other details about it, because she didn’t offer them and I didn’t know to ask). My doctor said not to lose any sleep over it; it’s pretty unlikely, she thinks, that this is related to the miscarriages I’ve had. She called in a prescription for Folgard and we have another appointment with her on Feb. 10 to talk about the plan for moving forward, but she seemed largely unconcerned. Not surprisingly, the Internet disagrees. Google thinks I should worry. And not only that, but Google also tells me that anxiety and depression are symptoms of this genetic defect; this is definitely consistent with my experience.

What now? I suppose we’ll learn more when we actually meet with Dr. D again, but right now I’m feeling like everything is uncertain and I am so tired of uncertainty. MTHFR may or may not be related to my RPL. I may or may not be at increased risk for future pregnancy losses. I may or may not have PCOS. I may or may not have a really hard time getting pregnant again in the first place.

I really am trying to keep all of this in perspective. Miscarriage is horrible. But other things are more horrible. Like losses later in a pregnancy. Or fatal illnesses. Or war. But sometimes I feel like I’m walking around with a blindfold on; there are all these (bad?) things we’re headed for in the future and I can’t see them, but I know they’re there.