Where I’ve Been

I’ve been waffling about taking a break from this blog, as I’m not entirely sure that it’s helping me to focus on my infertility and loss. I mean, I focus on it regardless (and god help you if you suggest that I shouldn’t focus on it), but I’ve definitely questioned whether this blog is making it better or worse. The jury is still out. Mostly, I’ve just been busy working two jobs and applying for a third. Such a long story, but I’ll be disentangling myself from the first two in the next couple of weeks and beginning the third in about a month. The new position is a step up and a good career move and all that and I’m optimistic about a fresh start, but I’m also a bit worried about the related stress of a new and much more demanding job. I know: stressing about being stressed…. this is highly characteristic, in case you were wondering.

In the way of updates, I had some non-fertility-related health issues (seemingly resolved now) arise over the past couple of months that forced us to take a break from medicated cycles for a while. So we are just now in the middle of our third Clomid/timed intercourse cycle, which will be followed (if I don’t miraculously turn up pregnant) by a switch to IUI.

As part of preparing to wrap up an unsuccessful three months of Clomid/timed intercourse, we had a recent meeting with the RE during which she mentioned the possibility of adding Metformin to my current regimen of Clomid/Progesterone/Baby Aspirin. Despite the fact that I would take anything that might prevent a future miscarriage, I’m hesitant about Metformin, which is (as far as I understand) used in women with PCOS and/or insulin resistance in hopes of preventing miscarriage. I was once somewhat carelessly diagnosed with PCOS. I don’t have polycystic-appearing ovaries. I ovulate almost every month (there have been three exceptions, ever). I do, unfortunately, have some acne… but I’m not obese or diabetic. I’m ok with a PCOS diagnosis if it is truly accurate, but every doctor we ask is uncertain about this diagnosis. I even convinced one doctor to undiagnose me. So why Metformin? We’re not sure and it seems that our RE isn’t sure either. She seems to have a it-probably-won’t-hurt mentality and honestly, I think she’s just trying to offer us something new/different, since I think we all sort of thought I’d be pregnant by now and clearly I’m not (or at least J and the RE thought so; I always knew that infertility was as much of a problem for me as RPL).

The Metformin prescription is waiting for me at the drugstore and has been for several days. I’m not sure what I’ll decide. And I’m not sure that it matters. I feel like acupuncture/prayer/luck/the weather are just as likely to positively affect a hypothetical future pregnancy as a drug intended to treat insulin resistance. We’ll see.

Meanwhile, we’re at day 16 of my cycle, having had a positive ovulation test on day 14 (how textbook of me). Tomorrow (Friday, the 13th…. of course) was the due date of my second pregnancy. July 21st will be the anniversary of my first miscarriage. And August 10th will be our fourth wedding anniversary. That’s all I have for now.



Filed under Infertility, Life, RPL

3 responses to “Where I’ve Been

  1. I just fell upon your blog last night while looking for someone that has also gone through something similar as myself. We have a lot of the same mindsets regarding miscarriage and infertility and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing, and also that I’m so very sorry that you’ve had to go through what you did. I can only wish a better year ahead for you.


    • Hi QS,
      Thanks very much for your kind comment. I’m so glad you found my blog, and allowed me to find yours. I can certainly relate to how you’re feeling and I’m so sorry you have to experience these things, too. I’ll be following your blog and wishing you all the best as you continue on this journey.

  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you continue here, I did find writing a super helpful way for me to absorb all that I was going through including the waiting game when going through various diagnosis. I’m so sorry for your losses and the continued struggle you are going through. Best of luck with your new job(s).

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